I’ve had this question in my inbox for a little while now. I have really struggled on how to answer this! I have two scenarios. Either way, the outcome is pretty much the same…

SCENARIO 1:

Sally is getting married in May. Jill is one of Sally’s sorority sisters. Jill sees Sally at the mall looking for wedding shoes. Jill starts asking Sally about all her wedding details and says how excited she is to be there on wedding day! Sally has nothing against Jill but knows that she is not on the guest list for whatever reason. What does she do?

SCENARIO 2:

Mary is getting married in August. Jessica knows Mary from a college class. Mary helped Jessica with class assignments and they hung out a couple of times. The thing is Jessica is really a party girl. At school Jessica keeps talking about how she can’t wait to get the party started at the reception. While Mary doesn’t mind hanging out with Jessica one-on-one, she doesn’t really want Jessica at her wedding. What does Mary say?

1. If you are Sally or Mary, blame it on the parents, budget, venue, something!  You don’t have to say “You’re not coming” bluntly, but say something like, “I know we’re excited, too! We just hate that we had to limit the guest list so much due to budget!” or “I would be able to invite more people if my mom wasn’t bringing all her co-workers!” Just know that you are going to hurt some feelings along the way, but that is just the way it goes.

2. If you are Jill or Jessica, please understand that not everyone has the capabilities to invite everyone they’d like to their celebration. Parents usually offer a budget. Venues usually cap at a certain amount of people. These can be restricting. So please, be understanding. The bride is already sensitive about issues and has other difficult decisions to make. Celebrate with her! Maybe take her out for ice-cream and celebrate privately! She’ll remember that even more than a fleeting congratulatory hug at the wedding.

If your wedding is going to be a smaller wedding or there are people that you don’t want to attend, there are a few things that can help insure that you keep unexpected guests out…

1. Limit the information you display online. Facebook, blogs, twitter, wedding websites, etc. So many people put the day, time, venue, directions and instructions online for guests. Etiquette has not caught up with how quickly technology has flourished. With this internet-crazy generation, it is easy to construe an online announcement as an open invitation. If you have information for your guests, maybe insure it with a password, send a link with downloadable info, or make it a private event/invitation only on facebook.

2. If you do have people that you wanted to invite but couldn’t for whatever reason (space, money, parents, in-laws, etc), why not have an after party after the reception? Go to a restaurant, lounge, or a home and hang out with those that couldn’t be there. It’s a good way to wind down with people that you know you’ll have a good time.

ALWAYS REMEMBER: Weddings are a sweet celebration to be shared by you and your fiance, your family, and your supportive friends. If you want it to be enjoyable, invite those who are encouraging, supportive, and trust-worthy.

Have a question? ASK ME!